


if god sees us together pretend you don’t know me

by tamsinb



Series: three acquired tastes that taste ??? together [2]
Category: Blaseball (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Gay, M/M, Still, The Shadows, casual homophobia, i almost forgot it that's my favorite tag whenever i get to use it, mike townsend (continues to destroy the fourth wall), ominous portents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27391888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamsinb/pseuds/tamsinb
Summary: jaylen14:TILLMAN F****** HENDERSON PUT MIKE ON RIGHT G****** NOWtillyhendy69:hey jay it’s mejaylen14:I WILL BEAN YOU SO HARD EIGHT MILLION UMPS WIjaylen14:oops pressed enter instead of backspacejaylen14:Mike!!! Hey!! How are you are you okay??tillyhendy69:i mean aside from being in the shadows yeah i’m great(or; mike townsend (is having a normal one) - if you prefer)
Relationships: Jaylen Hotdogfingers & Mike Townsend, Mike Townsend/Declan Suzanne, Mike Townsend/Tillman Henderson, Mike Townsend/Tillman Henderson/Declan Suzanne, Tillman Henderson/Declan Suzanne
Series: three acquired tastes that taste ??? together [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2001025
Comments: 23
Kudos: 51





	if god sees us together pretend you don’t know me

* * *

_ “cause time flows in a straight line _

_ i end up thinking you’re all mine _

_ but i know of a certain place _

_ where i won’t keep falling behind…” _

_ “it’s important to know”, dear nora _

* * *

Mike Townsend had long ago given up on explaining what being in the Shadows was like to people who had never been there. They always expected it to be some kind of barren necroscape, a many-tiered gothic soul prison, but the place itself - and yes it was a place - was fairly normal. Sure it was boring, it smacked of a purgatorial, expurgated existence, its colors were always somehow slightly muted, you could only leave on circumstance, its vending machines carried nothing aside from two competing types of water bottles that aside from the name on the label appeared exactly identical. Et cetera. Et cetera. But for the most part the shadows were just a particularly, deliberately bland take on normal.

No, when you were in the shadows, the real world was the thing that was really fucking cursed.

The streets were paved with void and streetlights sucked in your gaze, threatening to take the rest of you with it. Pedestrians went out of their way to hit you and that was  _ if _ you even dared to go outside when the sky looked like - well, there was a reason most people in the shadows experienced the real world via the indoors exclusively. But even inside, if you stayed still for long enough the negative colors would start to bleed into each other and it got hard to distinguish objects, forcing you to shake your head around a bit to reorient the world. “nah i’m not really hungry,” he’d told Declan, but it was a lie, he was ravenous, he just couldn’t handle eating another bite that turned to dry sand in his mouth and seemed to vibrate after he swallowed, marking its path through him with a sensation that he was sure would make him sick he was sure he was going to be  _ sick- _

Which is why, when the Boss found him, he was sitting at a table in a fluorescent-lit food court of the Shadows, hunched over a red plastic tray eating a brandless chicken wrap.

“oh hey Boss,” he said, looking up. “want a bite?”

“Exceedingly kind of you, Mr. Townsend,” she said, “but I’m afraid I am simply a Coin and would not enjoy it as much as it deserves.”

Mike glanced down at her form. Nope, she still looked like your stereotypical girlboss businessprofessional to him. He still wasn’t sure whether her insistence to the contrary was some kind of play at a joke, or if it was some sort of weird effect of being in the shadows on top of the countless others.

“sure thing Boss,” he said, feeling it safest to play along.

“And please Mr. Townsend, the ‘Boss’ is so formal. We’re friends, feel free to call me Aequitas.”

“whatever you say, Boss,” and he continued eating. They’d had this same exchange just about every time they’d met, and Mike found the ritual of it comforting.

“Are you enjoying your time on the surface?” she asked. “I know under previous management access could be a bit… restricted, but I just want to stress how open to your needs I am.”

“no yeah everything’s cool. thanks, i guess?”

“Of course. Of course. And listen, Mike. Can I call you Mike?”

He’d told her she could at least a dozen times already. She always asked. The fluorescents flickered exactly once.

“It wasn’t easy, you know, to secure such an arrangement. But I have a certain sympathy for those of you in the shadows and I wanted to make your stay as accommodating as I could.” She leaned forward a bit, her shadow falling across Mike’s hands. “And I just wanted to make sure that, given adequate…  _ opportunity, _ you would be willing to accommodate me as well.”

Mike took a sip from his milkshake but it was too thick and he didn’t get any of it through the straw. “quid pro quo. is that what you’re trying to get at?”

She laughed in a rehearsed titter. “See Mike, this is why I like you so much. You’re always so  _ direct.” _ Her smile revealed her rows of sharp and serrated teeth. “That is exactly what I’m getting at.”

“am i able to know what i’d be agreeing to.”

“The details aren’t relevant to you right now. But you do know what you’ll lose if you say no.”

Mike tilted his head to one side and felt his neck crack twice. “fair. i assume you’ll get back to me when you need me?”

The Boss stood up straight and closed her lips back into a tightmouthed smile. “Oh Mike,” she said, “I only wish all my employees were as  _ agreeable _ as you. Enjoy your time outside. Ciao!”

Mike sighed and took the last bite of his chicken wrap.

_ Oh god Mike, _ you say.  _ What the fuck did you get yourself into this time. _

“right,” he responds, swallowing, “as if i had a fucking choice.”

_ Wait, was that to me? _ you say.

“don’t hear anyone else talking to me in disembodied voices. hey could you keep it down by the way? you’re like really fucking loud.”

_ Oh, sorry? I hadn’t even realized I had to watch my volume. _

“well in that case it’s okay. plus you’re only really loud in here, in the real world you’re a little muffled so it’s easier.”

_ How are you even hearing me, I’m just a reader having thoughts,  _ you ask,  _ and this is generally a pretty weird thing for a character to do. _

Mike shrugs. “probably some weird shadows stuff? i mean as a general rule you can basically assume i don’t know what the fuck is going on. i’m really just trying to go with the flow here. speaking of going with the flow-”

_ Time to meet Tillman and Declan? Last chapter you said you were going to a barcade. _

He nods. “yeah looks like it’s about that time.”

_ Hey what do you think about Declan anyway. _

“hmmm,” he laughs. “i mean i obviously love a project. but uh. wow is that guy a piece of work.”

_ Tell me about it. Hey, y’all gonna kiss? _

“oh yeah, i guess we didn’t really do any of that last chapter. are you saying that’s what you want?”

_ I mean, it’d be nice… _

“haha okay, i’ll put in a word with the author for you, see what it thinks.”

_ You can talk to her? _

“sure, i mean the hard part is getting her to listen.” he smiles. “nothing special really, i mean you could talk to it too if you wanted to.”

_ I mean, I guess, yeah. _

“anyway,” says Mike, “i gotta head out. nice chatting but, author, can you put me back into past tense now?”

Mike stood up from the table, grabbed his tray, and slid the trash off into an awaiting can.

“thanks for that,” he said to no one in particular.

He walked down the mall-simulacrum hall and his shoes clacked on the highly reflective tile floor. He thought he heard some other residents of the shadows coming from a different wing, and not that he didn’t  _ like _ his fellow shadows-dwellers but he did find talking to them a both unnerving and depressing reminder of their shared situation, so before they could reach him he passed his hands through the fabric between reality and felt it part gauzy around his hands. He stepped through into an abandoned corner of the barcade and checked his watch. ?? o’clock on the dot. Perfect. He was right on time.

***

“No fucking way dude no fucking way I am NOT.”

“You literally are dude I’m sorry you had to find out from me-”

“You fucking don’t know what you’re talking about,” said Tillman, “you have  _ NO  _ clue.”

“I feel like I should know more about it than you, dipshit,” said Declan.

Mike ghosted up to the two as they argued in front of a taiko machine. “haha what’s up guys you seem pretty heated.”

“Oh hey Mike. Tillman says he’s not a twink.”

“I am not I am fucking  _ NOT.” _

“haha dude you’re totally a twink.”

“See I fucking told your ass.”

“This is bullshit this is fucking  _ BULLSHIT _ first of all I’m not even short?? Second of all I’m wide I’m fucking built.”

“tillman you’re like the shortest guy i know.”

“Yeah just because you have a little muscle on you doesn’t mean-”

“This is so fucking bullshit honestly? You two are just bullying me because I’m a bottom. Society is so fucking biased against us, we’re constantly being told to minimize ourselves and I’m fucking sick of it!!”

“...tillman. so you  _ are _ a bottom.”

“Haha obviously not dude I’m not fucking gay.”

“Right,” said Declan skeptically.

“And even if I was I would be a top. Like, the coolest most powerful top ever. I’d fucking. Wreck people.”

“Of course.”

“hey tillman wanna kiss.”

“Fuck yeah dude thought you’d never ask. Gotta kiss the homies hello.”

While the two of them began to make out, and Mike tried to figure out where exactly he could place his hands without getting called out for PDA, Declan put a couple of tokens in the machine and picked up the sticks to select his song. Mike never got less upset that Tillman was a really good kisser. It just didn’t seem right or fair, somehow, but it was hard for Mike to really register his discontent when he was holding Tillman up on his tiptoes with arms around behind the waist, leaning the other’s head back with his own insistent kiss.

The kiss lasted until Declan started the song, excitedly hopping back and forth in time with the music to hit each drum.

“sorry to uh. butt in like that.”

“Lol,” said Declan, “are you kidding? We were making out for like ten minutes before you got here.”

“Gotta pass the time somehow,” agreed Tillman.

“well there you have it. people reading, how was that for you?”

Mike, kindly focus on the scene at hand and refrain from talking to the audience.

“right, right, sorry.”

Thank you.

“Lmao dude who the fuck are you talking to,” asked Tillman.

“nah, no reason to worry about her, it’s harmless. er. i mean. nothing. no one? yeah.”

“Are you good, dude?” asked Declan, looking away from the drums without missing a beat. “The shadows must be getting to you.”

“yeah,” squinted Mike. The bright lights of the color-negated barcade were starting to strain his eyes as they tried in vain to adjust. “the shadows sure are rough.”

***

The sound of an alarm thinly ringing above the skleeball machine sounded out for the umpteenth time in a row. Mike Townsend scratched the back of his neck and bent down to collect his tickets. Less than he would’ve expected for throwing a perfect game.

“Damn Mike,” said Declan from the adjacent machine, “how the fuck did you get so good at skleeball.”

“oh i mean it’s not that hard really. you just have to throw the ball to the same place at the same time, every time.”

“Face it dude,” said Tillman, “you’re never gonna beat him, you should just cut your losses and try a different game.”

“Well maybe I’d have a better chance if you weren’t literally laying in the middle of my fucking skleeball machine.”

“Hm? Nah,” said Tillman, hardly bothering to glance up from his phone. He was laying to the side of the ramp ofDeclan’s machine, feet reclining up on the slope and leaving only a narrow channel to throw through. “Nah you suck pretty bad with or without me, trust me. I’m probably doing you a favor.”

“Dude seriously fucking move, I have to finish the game.”

“Make me, gaylord. Hey- hey!! Not the hair!! Fucking, stop dude!!” Declan reached down and started attacking Tillman’s hair, frizzing it out and ruining the tight ponytail he usually kept it in. Tillman raised his hands to defend himself, fucking up his balance and sending him crashing off the machine.

“Oh. Okay. That’s it,” said Tillman, hopping up and pocketing his phone. “Your manbun is fucking toast dude.”

“Hey cmon leave the bun out of it dude it didn’t do anything to you.” He dodged a few of Tillman’s swipes. Mike ran his fingers through his hair, thanking fate that he’d never felt the need to put it up. It afforded him some measure of safety from hijinks.

“Come at me bitch,” taunted Tillman. “Fucking try me.”

“Don’t make me- All right you fucking asked for it.” Declan put his palm squarely on the much smaller Tillman’s forehead, keeping him a safe distance away as he fruitlessly wheeled his arms around.

“You fucking dumbass!! Get your hand off my head!!”

“Haha serves you right for being so fucking short.”

A strange look passed over Tillman’s face. He latched onto Declan’s wrist with both hands, pulled it down, and bit him square across the fingers.

***

After finding a help desk that had a stash of neosporin behind it (because who knew what Tillman had, for all they knew he was probably rabid), Declan was all bandaged up and moved on to playing DDR. Mike stood watching from a respectful distance behind the guardrails.

“Anyway I’m basically a fucking otter,” said Tillman, not looking up from the cellphone he was tapping away at. “Ever heard of otters.”

“yeah tillman everyone knows what otters are.”

“They’re like, hairy buff twinks. Way cooler than twinks. That’s what I am.”

“I thought you weren’t even supposed to be gay. Plus you’re not that hairy,” said Declan, halfway through a full combo of some incredibly uptempo song.

“You would know I’m not hairy. Be-”

“because he’s gay?”

“Yeah because he’s fucking gay.”

“That bit’s getting old, dude. Plus I only know because every time you try to fight me you rip your shirt off.”

“you can’t fight with your shirt on, declan, that’s just the rules. everyone knows that.”

“Thanks Mike. Exactly. Everyone knows that shit.”

“Hey Tillman you’ve been on your phone like way more than usual what’s up.”

“Looking up your mom’s OnlyFans, tell her she’s doing great work ok?”

Mike chuckled despite himself, earning a dirty look from Declan. He shrugged back in response, and walked around to lean against the side of the machine. He watched Declan’s rapt attention on the flying arrows and neon colors that he wouldn’t be able to see right even if he was looking. And he watched Tillman hunched over on the ground behind the machines, crosslegged texting with his telephone in his lap.

A small comfort: even when you were shadowed, people still looked normal. Well, the people important to you. The rest faded into the background, silhouettes in colors just distinct enough to tell them apart. A classic video game aesthetic. But if he cared to, he could make out - no matter what - the still normal figures of Tillman and Declan.

_ Awww, _ you say.  _ That’s so swee _ t _! How romantic. _

“it’s not sweet,” reples Mike. “it’s fucking torture.”

_ Same thing, _ you say back.

Mike smiles wryly and tilts his head back. “you all are fucked up, you know that?”

You shrug.  _ We know what we like. _

Mike pulled himself back to the moment when he noticed that Tillman was growing increasingly upset at his phone.

“hey tilly-”

“Don’t call me that, I hate it,” said Tillman.

“oh. but you told me you liked it.”

“Yeah that’s why I hate it.”

“ok you’re being even more of a prick than usual what’s up?”

“Ugh. Fine.” Tillman tossed his phone aside with a casual disdain. “I’m fucking sick of this dude, you gotta talk to her.”

“who.”

“Jaylen.”

“what.”

“Yeah dude she’s fucking pissed she says you haven’t like talked to her at all since she got back.”

“my phone’s been out of power,” lies Mike. “can’t charge it because of. you know, shadows shit.”

“You can tell her that your fuckin self my guy I’m officially fucking tapping out of this one. She’s fucking so annoying dude I can’t even deal with her.”

An unstoppable force and an immovable object, thinks Mike, as he takes a deep breath and picks up the phone.

**> gaylen hotdogbitch <**

**jaylen14:** TILLMAN FUCKING HENDERSON PUT MIKE ON RIGHT GODDAMN NOW

**tillyhendy69:** hey jay it’s me

**jaylen14:** I WILL BEAN YOU SO HARD EIGHT MILLION UMPS WI

**jaylen14:** oops pressed enter instead of backspace

**jaylen14:** Mike!!! Hey!! How are you are you okay??

**tillyhendy69:** i mean aside from being in the shadows yeah i’m great

**jaylen14:** well that’s Something at least!

**jaylen14:** you didn’t pick up my calls so I was Just worried.

**tillyhendy69:** oh yeah sorry about that, my phone’s been out of power. i’m good tho!

**jaylen14:** Your phone’s been out of Power.

**tillyhendy69:** yep

**jaylen14:** For the month and Change you’ve been back.

**tillyhendy69:** ayyyyyyyyyup

**tillyhendy69:** can’t charge it in the shadows

**jaylen14:** Mike Townsend that’s the biggest fucking Bullshit I’ve ever heard.

**tillyhendy69:** bullshit or not it’s the truth

**jaylen14:** mikeeeeeeee!!

**jaylen14:** You know you don’t have to Avoid me right?

**jaylen14:** Look I’m a hero now! I don’t even Kill people even a little any more!

**tillyhendy69:** uh huh

**jaylen14:** And I just wanna have a nice Pleasant chat about your taste in men!

**tillyhendy69:** there it goes

**jaylen14:** oh come on Mike can you really blame me?? Tillman Fucking Henderson??

**tillyhendy69:** yeah what he’s hot

**jaylen14:** Can’t comment on that. all I know is he’s a grade-A Shitlord and you deserve better.

**tillyhendy69:** wow don’t hold back tell me how you really feel

**jaylen14:** Look, Mike. Full serious, okay? You always do this thing and I’m worried you’re doing it again.

**tillyhendy69:** the thing where i fucking die ??

**jaylen14:** Don’t be a dick about it you’re fine, nothing you haven’t been through before.

**jaylen14:** No the thing where you put yourself in a bad situation and act like it was inevitable!

**jaylen14:** It’s bad enough when you do it in. Life. and important things. no reason To do it in relationships too.

**tillyhendy69:** usually when bad things happen to me it’s my fault so idk what ur talking about

**jaylen14:** See you’re Doing it again.

**tillyhendy69:** look are you worried i’m replacing you? because that’s dumb

**tillyhendy69:** “oh wow there’s a new jaylen? and a boy this time? time to bone!”

**jaylen14:** That’s not what I’m worried about, Mike, I just don’t want you fucking your life up.

**tillyhendy69:** well it’s not your job to look out for me. plus not like i have much of a life atm anyway

**jaylen14:** Haha you’re such a baby, shadows are nothing try being Dead for 5 seasons.

**tillyhendy69:** holy shit can you fucking stop with that??

**tillyhendy69:** no you know what you’re right, nothing’s wrong

**tillyhendy69:** everything’s fine except for my shitty dating choices

**tillyhendy69:** thank you for coming to save me from myself oh wise and powerful jaylen

**jaylen14:** come on Mike you know it’s not like that.

**tillyhendy69:** whatever. i have a date with my two super hot boyfriends to get back to. talk to you later

**jaylen14:** Wait.

**jaylen14:** Boyfriends??

**jaylen14:** Plural??

**jaylen14:** Mike

**jaylen14:** Mike!!

**jaylen14:** What the fuck do you Mean boyfriends

**jaylen14:** michael townsend respond to me now!!!

Mike looked up from the phone with an exasperated sigh. Declan and Tillman were both looking at him out of the sides of their eyes. Apparently he’d been making a scene while he typed. Great.

“haha sorry about that guys. here tillman, take your phone back.”

“Dude, you good?” asked Declan.

“no yeah i’m fine just. jaylen. you know how she can be. especially these days.”

“No, not really,” answered Declan.

“Ugh, tell me about it,” answered Tillman, at the same time. “Gimme that shit,” he said, snatching the phone from Mike’s outstretched hand. “Gonna give Hotdogbitch a piece of my mind.”

“hey tillman hold on-” but Tillman had already dashed off somewhere. Mike dropped his shoulders. Who knew how bad Tillman was capable of making things. Well, how much worse would be more accurate, he guessed. He’d already fucked it up pretty badly himself. Wait, had he said ‘boyfriends’? It had just dawned on him that he had - why did he do that? Except to intentionally make things worse. Which was maybe what Jaylen had been talking about.

“Seriously, Mike,” said Declan, stepping down from the machine. “Something is like obviously bothering you and if you never say what it is it’s just gonna keep being weird.”

“nah it’s okay. how are you though? first time out with tillman since that whole thing, right?”

“What? No dude, we’re not talking about me right now.” Declan sighed and scratched at the place where his man bun had been just a few tens of minutes before. “Look I don’t really know shit about Jaylen, you two used to be close though right?”

“nah i mean we’re still close. mostly. was hard to keep in touch with her while she was hopping around between all the teams. she was pretty occupied in general but uh. you know we texted and called and whatever.”

“Hey look, shit’s super weird for me right now and I have no idea if this is okay so if this question like sucks for you then. I dunno punch me in the face. But like. Why’d you do that? For her?” Declan hopped off the machine and reclined on the guardrail behind the dance pad. Mike followed suit. It wasn’t a very long rail and only a few centimeters separated their shoulders.

“what like the whole necromancy thing.”

“Yeah like why’d that have to be you, wasn’t your fuckin job, I woulda sat that shit out. So I was just thinking like, well she was someone real important to you back then right?”

“um. i guess? not really more to me than anyone else.” Mike searched around in his pockets for something to fiddle with and found only his switched-off phone, which he really didn’t feel like touching at the moment. “like she was so cool that first season, especially when the rest of us were absolute garbage. she tried to help me a lot and i always liked her for that even though it uh. obviously didn’t take. but like i never really felt like i was doing it cause i missed her so bad or cause she was the most special greatest person ever.”

His words trailed off and he blinked hard, wondering if there were more coming. He chanced a look at Declan and saw that he was being gazed at full attention from a pair of the hugest most sparkly eyes he’d ever seen.

Oh my god, he thought, Declan has fucking anime eyes. Isn’t that just fucking appropriate.

Mike bent his head to the other side and felt it pop just once. “i mean it just felt like something i could do? like, i can’t pitch great, and i probably wouldn’t be any better at any other position. but this one just needed a body. well, a pitcher’s body. so i dunno i just felt like, if people wanted it, and the team wanted it, and i could do it, then i wanted to help them out if i could. feel useful for once.”

“Hm,” squinted Declan, thinking for a moment. “Yeah, that’s fucking stupid.”

“um. excuse me?”

“Yeah like don’t get me wrong dude super cool of you and all. But uh. I dunno I don’t think Jaylen’s worth any more than you. Who really cares if she’s great and you’re uh. Shit. Stil both people, idk why you think you get to decide who’s worth more. Plus like, I’m sure plenty of people liked you more than Jaylen. Pretty rude to them probably.”

Mike laughed bitterly. “i don’t think there was anyone like that around.”

“Hm, yeah. Fair point. Well, there are now, so like, if you did it now it’d be stupid. Well, you couldn’t do it right this second but. You know. And if it’s dumb now then it was dumb back then, that’s what I think.”

“declan that doesn’t make any sense,” smiled Mike.

“Who cares if it makes sense!” Declan was smiling back. “All I’m saying is you’re worth more than throwing yourself away, dude.”

“sure. sure, yeah, i guess. okay.” Mike pressed his lips together. “holy shit declan did you actually just make me feel better?”

“Uh, hell yeah dude,” he said, triumphantly striking an anime-ass pose replete with a double peace sign. “It’s basically like, my whole job, is making people feel better. Well, to be fair, usually I do it by letting Lou and Rosa bully me when they’re upset. But you know, basically the same thing.”

“well. uh. thanks i guess. i’m not gonna throw any of your stuff in the river though.”

“Poggers dude, this was the easiest cheering up yet.”

“anyway uh. thanks. sorry i’ve been weird.”

Declan shrugged. “You’re like 75% dead dude, it’d be way worse if you were normal about it.” Declan casually put his arm around Mike’s opposite shoulder and pulled him in slightly and Mike thought wait a minute has this right now really been my first human contact in how long?? besides barely homo makeouts with tillman of course oh wow that must be why this feels so great and comforting and definitely no other reason ha ha better stop thinking about this immediately-

“Hey Townsend fuckin heads up,” shouted Tillman, and a phone came flying through the air, hitting Mike directly in the side of the face.

“fucking. ow!” said Tillman, rubbing his head. “that hit me right in the fucking temple dude shit hurts.” Declan bent down and retrieved the phone for him.

“Yeah yeah who cares anyway I talked to fuckin Gaylen, she said she wanted to talk to you.”

“um. sure, okay...” Dread surged through him as he flicked the thing on and checked the chat.

**> gaylen bitchdogfingers <**

**tillyhendy69:** hey it’s mike tillman said you wanted to talk

**jaylen14:** Oh uh.

**jaylen14:** Hey Mike.

**jaylen14:** Just wanted to say. Sorry about before.

**tillyhendy69:** what

**jaylen14:** Look. Tillman unfortunately made a few Good points and uh.

**jaylen14:** I’ll stop telling you what to do, date who you want or whatever.

**jaylen14:** And like. I Didn’t mean to make it sound like you didn’t have stuff going on.

**jaylen14:** I know shit’s tough So. Sorry. Yeah.

**tillyhendy69:** holy shit

**tillyhendy69:** is this the first time you’ve ever apologized to me

**jaylen14:** Hey look, I can apologize when I fucked up.

**tillyhendy69:** and you did it because of tillman fucking henderson

**jaylen14:** Yes and if you scroll up this chat I will bean you with the force of a thousand umpires.

**jaylen14:** I don’t need anyone seeing what may be my most embarrassing moment yet.

**tillyhendy69:** haha okay if you say so

**jaylen14:** Mike Townsend I am Serious some things should not be seen by any eyes.

**tillyhendy69:** yeah no i get it don’t worry

**tillyhendy69:** and look sorry i didn’t text or anything, i just

**tillyhendy69:** well, partially figured you’d do exactly that

**jaylen14:** Lmao yeah oops.

**tillyhendy69:** lmao indeed

**tillyhendy69:** but partly too it was like. i dunno so much was different and so much happened

**tillyhendy69:** and now you’re on the lovers?? somehow??

**tillyhendy69:** wasn’t really sure when a good time would be i guess

**jaylen14:** Mike that’s A stupid excuse.

**tillyhendy69:** haha yeah

**jaylen14:** well Anyway. Apology accepted. As long as I hear from you.

**jaylen14:** I’ll let you go, don’t let me keep you from your date With your.

**jaylen14:** Two boyfriends?? Apparently??

**jaylen14:** We’ll talk about this later.

**jaylen14:** Bye Mike.

**tillyhendy69:** haha bye

“So, whaddya think? Tilly did pretty good, right?” said Tillman in the third person.

“uh. yeah? i guess? never seen her actually mea culpa before.”

“Wow Tillman, nice job,” said Declan.

“Fuck yeah that’s Tillman skill number one: handling the ladies. I’m a fucking femme whisperer.”

“tillman you hate girls.”

“Yeah cause I’m super fucking homosexual,” agreed Tillman. “Girls are fucking gross and boys don’t have cooties. It’s basically a medical condition, gotta be smooching boys all the time.”

“Oh my god are you finally admitting you’re gay as shit.”

“What? Haha no way dude you’re gay I’m not fucking gay. Never thought a boy was cute even a single time in the last ten seconds.”

“you almost had him declan, his hetero façade was on the ropes. but uh, seriously. thanks, tillman, i guess??”

"Haha bro did you just seriously thank me. Thank Tillman Fucking Henderson. For helping you?"

"um. yeah?"

"Hm okay."

"what you're not gonna like ridicule me?"

"Nah, I'm sure the shame you already feel is more than enough. Pretty fucking cringe bro." He was probably right, Mike laughed to himself. It was indeed pretty fucking cringe.

"Lmao, you posted cringe," interjected Declan, "you are going to lose boyfriend."

“Oh yeah speaking of!” said Tillman. “Pretty funny fucking stuff telling Jaylen we were your boyfriends. Dude she was fucking  _ SHOOK _ by that one. You’re a funny guy didn’t know you had it in you.”

“haha yeah a joke.” Why had he said that in the first place? He couldn’t quite remember, he probably just got caught up in the moment.

“He said what now?” perked up Declan, poking his head around over Mike's shoulder.

Oh no. He’d really just wanted to get under Jaylen’s skin, hadn’t meant to bring up the issue with these two, at least not like  _ this _ and not  _ yet, _ like, it didn’t sound like such a bad idea as a long term goal but he’d really just ruined it hadn’t he (like he always did) ugh he should’ve known better...

“Yeah dude he said we were his fucking boyfriends. God could you imagine Mike pulling dudes as hot as us? Fucking, gay chad Mike Townsend.”

“Is a gay chad still a chad?”

“Yeah dude chads are transcendent.” Tillman started to walk away and Mike, through the fog of despair settling into his brain, saw Declan give him the briefest glance behind Tillman’s back.

“Hey Tillman. I uh, just had a really funny idea.”

“Lit dude, lay it on me.”

“What if we like. Went along with it. Like the three of us were boyfriends.”

Oh wow Declan. Didn’t know you had it in you, thought Mike. “haha yeah,” he put in before Tillman could respond, “that’d be pretty goddamn… bodacious??” He grasped for a slang that Tillman might relate to and failed miserably.

“Hmm,” considered Tillman. “I dunno… sounds like, super gay. Like, more gay than usual.”

“Nah ok think of it this way,” said Declan. “It’s actually super not gay? Because if anyone calls us out on it it’s like, oh haha you thought it was gay must mean YOU’RE gay.”

“Hmmm,” and Tillman did the thinking emoji face. “Well you’re both the only dudes un-lame enough to kiss and hang out with in a no homo context… Might be worth taking this bitch full homo.”

“yeah uh, i think that sounds cool to me.”

“Okay but only on one fucking condition.”

“Yeah Tilly what’s that?”

“I have to be the boyfriend that gets carried.”

“Um...”

“declan is that like. a genre of boyfriend i wasn’t aware of?”

“I really don’t think so,” answered Declan.

“Sucks to suck, if you want my hot ass in your life you gotta carry me.”

It pained Mike when he realized in that moment just how badly he did want that hopelessly irritating, hopelessly hot ass in his life.

And so, they carried Tillman out of the barcade, Mike stuck with the lower half. Tillman was reclining back across their outstretched arms, hands behind his head. Declan was arguing with Tillman about something and the words didn’t reach Mike but the vibrations did, cutting through the noise and sensory grime around him. And as he helped his boyfriend carry his other boyfriend out of the barcade, he started to feel, despite himself, a small something warm grow inside of him, stabilizing the ground under his feet and cutting a path through the shifting liquid world he used to call home.

***

“Holy shit Declan if you ask this place will put cherry AND vanilla in your coke.”

“Oh shit poggers, that’s not even a real flavor.”

“I know right here taste it.”

“W- wait, are you serious? Wouldn’t that be… an indirect kiss?”

“What the fuck is your nerd ass talking about.”

“holy shit declan you’re such a dweeb, literally no real person ever has been worried about that.”

“But… but then I couldn’t get married.”

“Mike what the fuck is this nerd ass bitch talking about.”

“it’s a thing that anime girls worry about. like if you drink someone else’s drink it’s like you’re kissing them.”

“Oh gotcha, I only watch anime that’s for fucking babies so I wouldn’t know.”

“oh my fucking god declan are you actually blushing.”

“Haha no it’s a joke just a joke. It’s not like I like you two or anything.”

“holy shit declan quit anime posing you look disgusting.”

“I can’t believe I have the most fucking lame ass boyfriend in history. If I were gay I’d be so fucking embarrassed by this.”

“Oh shit this is actually pretty good, hey Mike try it!”

“oh uh. no thanks. i ate before i came here.”

“Aw cmon dude I’m your fucking boyfriend and you won’t even drink it for me? That’s pretty fuckng straight of you dude.”

“Haha wow ok that joke is way funnier, Tillman, stick to that one.”

“Yeah? Yeah you fuckin like that one?”

“ok fine fine. couldn’t live with myself if i let you call me straight.”

“Oh shit Mike you just indirect kissed both of us.”

“Dude seriously what the fuck is your deal with that.”

“get over here declan i’ll show you a fuckin indirect kiss.”

“Wh- H- hey! This kiss is like, super fucking direct!!”

“What the fuck?? No way I’m letting you two make out without me get over here.”

* * *

When Mike Townsend reentered the shadows they’d taken on the form of an airport TGIFriday’s. Mike stepped in and took a deep breath, feeling his eyes adjust to the stable environs and dim light. He rubbed his lips gently against each other, the memories of a few indirect kisses and many more direct ones playing across them. The soda he’d managed to choke down was still humming uncomfortably in the pit of the stomach but for once Mike considered the sensation absolutely worth it.

Well. Quite a day. He figured he’d just sort of listlessly float around through oblivion until someone needed him. It was a good way to pass the time in the shadows.

“oh hello michael.”

“nya!”

Two voices called out to him from a corner of the restaurant. The first was from Nagomi Meng, the shadows’ resident speedrunner. They had cleared out a host of tables and chairs and were scrutinizing the bare wall. The other was Nolanestophia Patterson, the shadows’ resident catgirl. Soph was perched on top of one of the chairs on all fours, ears perked up now that Mike had walked by. He’d spent around a season in here with Nagomi before briefly making it out, he figured they were working on another scheme to boundary break their way out of here. Soph had come into the shadows just as he’d left, but the fact that she wore a Seattle jersey made him feel a bit more at home in the shadows, so he was partial to her.

“so uh, nagomi, what’s the plan this time?”

“i think that if i exploit the way my hitbox changes during my throwing animation I can go oob in this configuration of the shadows. and then if i can set up item storage-”

“and soph’s here because?”

Nagomi looked at him as if explaining to a child. “well i need something to throw don’t i?”

“and me being myostly cat makes it safer, nya!”

“is that safer in an ‘always land on your feet’ sort of way, or in a ‘nine lives’ sort of way?” asked Mike.

“hmm…” Soph patted the side of her head with the tip of her tail, to indicate that she was thinking. “beats me, probably both! nya!”

“hey, nagomi, be careful with her okay?”

“oh michael,” they chided, “no one has ever beat wr by being careful.”

“that’s almost definitely not true,” said Mike, but Nagomi was already turned away and tapping at the hard surface of the wall with their fingernail, so he turned back to Soph.

“you talk to anyone on the team?” asked Soph. “nyot that i spent a ton of time with them, but they were all super nice trying to teach me how to play guitar! even if i was nyever very good, nya…”

“haha yeah that sounds like them. i uh, i don’t keep up with too many of them. jaylen and i are in touch though.”

“ooh!” and Soph’s ears went pressed back against her head. “you tyell that jaylen that as soon as i get out of here i’ve got a catscratch with her nyame on it!”

“oh yeah,” said Mike, trying to recall exactly. “she’s the reason you left the pies for the garages right? sorry about that…”

“hm? oh, nyah, that’s fine. i mean the pies were super fun but the garages were too! i’m myostly just mad because her pitch really hurt!! super rude, nya!!”

“yeah, i kinda know where you’re coming from…”

“nya? she hit you with a pitch too?”

“well,” he said, hand absentmindedly going to where Tillman had smacked him in the knee with a bat while yelling ‘Killman Enderson’. That tiny, tiny bastard. “yeah, something like that.”

“nolanestophia. would you like to assist me now?”

“nya! i’m on it! ok, gotta handle this nyow. see ya, mice!”

“it’s mike.”

“yeah i know, i kinda have this whole cat thing going though? if you hadn’t nyoticed.”

Mike watched as Nagomi held their arms out wide and Soph jumped directly at them, tackling them completely and throwing them into the wall with a resounding bonk.

“hm. maybe i have to align my camera.”

He wished them luck silently and walked out of the front door into a long airport hallway terminal, lined on both sides by endless TGIFridays. He wondered briefly if they all led to the same one or if each was separate, but decided he was too tired to test that right now - and plus, who knew how long this particular configuration would last - so he walked until he found a bench he could sit down on.

“Well, if it isn’t Mr. Townsend. Did you enjoy your excursion?”

Mike jumped in his seat. As soon as he’d sat down the Boss was seated directly next to him, acting as if she hadn’t been totally absent just before.

“uh, hey Boss. yeah, it was a good time and all.”

“Good! Good good, I love to hear that the members of our big employee family are getting along well.”

Mike blinked and they were sitting across from each other at the bar of one of innumerable airport TGIFs, the Boss sipping a drink that looked like a Long Island iced tea.

“And you know how badly I want to keep things that way.”

“is this about what you were telling me before.”

“Direct as always! Yes, yes exactly.”

“you sure work fast, Boss.”

She smiled, as tightlipped as ever. “Only at the speed of business.”

“i have no idea what that means.”

Her rehearsed laugh. “I’ll have my people get in touch with your people.”

“i don’t have any people.”

“Oh Mike - can I call you that? - Mike, of course you need people! Maybe I’ll have some of my people get you some people. Anyway, if you truly don’t have any people, I suppose my people will just have to get in touch with you directly. Look forward to it.  _ Ciao!” _

And she was gone. Hopefully she hadn’t left him with the tab. Or, wait, could he expense this? Technically it was a business meeting. Mike Townsend laughed to himself and leaned his head back.

“hey author?”

Yes, Mike?

“any chance you can help me out of this one?”

I’m sorry, Mike. I can’t really do things like that.

“well can you at least tell me how all this ends.”

I haven’t really planned it out that far yet.

“you’re not good for much, are you?”

No, Mike. I’m afraid I’m not.

“right.” He sighed. “right.”

He leaned back in his chair and gathered his thoughts for a moment, then the thoughts started to align themselves and he realized oh wait actually? This idea sucks, terrible idea. Get out of here, thoughts, and so he raised his hand to order a drink he couldn’t quite remember the name of. It arrived and he took a sip and somehow it was both too strong and left him stone cold sober. But it tasted like something.

Small blessings, thought Mike Townsend. Gotta take ‘em one at a time.

**Author's Note:**

> The brainworms haven't left me yet, so here I go writing tillmikelan again. (We finally figured out a ship name that doesn't totally suck.)
> 
> This one was incredibly self-indulgent and I hope you have fun with it!


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